This is a series detailing the strange, sometimes traumatic run-ins I've had with celebrities since I moved to LA 11 years ago. The previous installments can be found here.
The life of a freelance Production Assistant in Hollywood is an unpredictable one. When I first started doing it in 1998, I could barely find a job despite the fact I knew several Production Managers and Coordinators from my time at Crash Films, a production company specializing in commercials and music videos. But soon, I established myself as a reliable, hard worker and had plenty of job offers, so many I had to turn several down due to prior commitments.
Before long, however, the work dried up -– it’s a cyclical business -– and by the end of 1999 I felt as if I might never work again. I called all my contacts, begged for work, and was prepared to say “yes” to any offer, no matter how hard it sounded.* So, when I got a call at 11pm one night to ask if I could work a music video for the band Hole the next day, I took the gig without hesitation. That’s when the voice on the other end of the line dropped the bomb on me: “Great. Call time tomorrow is 5am.”
There was no backing out. And there wouldn’t be much sleep. That’s not pleasant news for an insomniac. I quickly downed a bunch of melatonin to start the process, and made two pots of coffee which I shoved them in the fridge for maximum chug-ability the next morning. Five-plus hours later, that iced coffee was the only thing that got me out of bed on that frigid morn (One of the huge unknown things is how cold the nights/early mornings can be in the winter).
The shoot was thankfully on a lot in Hollywood, so I was able to get there in five minutes with the early morning roads clear (about the only time in LA the roads are clear). Upon my arrival, however, I was told I’d have to stand watch in one of the satellite parking lots a block or two away. Knowing the weather would warm up eventually, I was wearing the typical PA uniform -– t-shirts and cargo shorts –- and froze my ass off for two or three hours, until I was called back inside. And I thought the most trying part of the shoot was over. Yeah, right.
Working inside, I quickly realized what kind of scene this would be. The band was already there, but their lead singer -– the infamous Courtney Love -- was not. She would arrive three hours late, and looking like she’d survived a rough night. Hours later, after Ms. Love had only completed a couple of shots, she would suddenly leave the set unexpectedly to entertain a visitor who'd just arrived on set and was scoping out the craft service table: Ed Norton -- then her boyfriend (as difficult as that is to believe now). And when I say, “entertain”, what I mean is “have very loud sex in her trailer with”. Everybody was ready to shoot and had to wait as PA’s and Courtney's assistant breathlessly reported her status (“It sounds like they’re done. Should I knock?”). Norton wasn’t the only movie star/significant other to visit the set that day. Drew Barrymore, who was dating the band’s guitarist and Nordic giant Eric Erlandson, also stopped by.
Barely any footage was shot before nightfall. As dinner time approached, I was asked to go around to all the band members with a menu to ask what they’d like. This went surprisingly smoothly until I reached the dressing room of Melissa Auf der Maur, the band’s bassist. Upon looking at the menu, she decided she didn’t have enough information to make a decision. To remedy this, she called her astrologer (Of course, I mean, who wouldn’t?), who had to be told the exact date before she informed Melissa what choices might be appropriate, astrologically speaking.
Though she had ordered with rest of the band, Courtney did not touch her dinner, and decided just after midnight that she wanted oysters. This was not negotiable. So I was quickly dispatched to Pinot Bistro, an upscale Hollywood eatery, where they had re-opened their kitchen after closing just to satisfy Ms. Love’s cravings (at a very hefty price). Later, a PA in a position to know informed me that she ate just “two or three” of the two dozen oysters ordered for her.
After a 20 hour day, I was finally told I could leave at about 1am. I’d be given 10 hours to go home and sleep before reporting back at the set at 11am. I don’t know how much sleep I actually got that night, but it seemed like about five minutes when that alarm sounded later that morning.
The second day began with a shot which required a chandelier to be raised or lowered a few inches after each take. To do this, several of us PA’s had to stand just off the stage tugging on a rope. Courtney didn’t like have so many crew members so close to her, and asked that all “non-essential” people be asked to leave the set. After each take, a few more people were asked to leave, until it was a skeleton crew, but Courtney still wasn’t pleased: “I mean everybody!”
Within moments the Assistant Director was ushering everybody out. This included Ms. Love’s entourage. “No, I didn’t mean you guys,” she explained. When told she had to be more specific, Courtney replied, “Anybody who’s seen me pee can stay.” Not wanting to be included in that group, all the PA’s streamed to the exit. But because we were still needed between each take, we had to literally run 100 feet into the stage, lift or lower the incredibly heavy chandelier, then run out again so they could shoot. Fun!
The shoot went on like that all day and into the night. Finally, as we approached the end of yet another 20 hour day, there were just a precious few shots left to get. One required Courtney to walk down a catwalk as four PA’s (myself included) held strings connected to her dress, which we were instructed to whip up and down to make her dress billow as if on fire (the CGI flames would be added later in post-production). Since I was the one positioned in front of her, it gave Courtney the opportunity to accuse me of staring at her exposed crotch –- an opportunity she apparently could not pass up. Needless to say, after almost 40 hours of work in a 50 hour period, I wasn’t amused.
As the sun appeared on the horizon, there was only shot left – in production parlance, this is called “The Martini Shot” (because after it's completed, you get to drink). The problem was that it was one of the most important shots in the video –- at least if you’re Courtney Love. See, just about every video shoot has what is called “The Beauty Shot” -– an extreme close-up of the band’s frontman/woman which is meant to very complementary to their appearance. Think about your favorite video, it's in there somewhere -- usually the singer belting out the song while looking right into the camera. This is the singer's chance to show the world just how awesomely sexy they are. Problem was, that shot is not meant to executed at the end of two long shoot days when said singer probably looks like crap.
“Beauty shot!” Courtney kept screaming as the sun came up, questioning if it was ever going to get done. It was like a kid screaming for their favorite toy. “Beauty shot!” Although this was annoying as hell, I didn’t blame Ms. Love for her concern –- she looked like absolute hell by then. But it’s amazing what Hollywood makeup people can do, and the shot was achieved without making Courtney look too un-dead.
So the shoot was over, and suddenly the sullen, uber-difficult, high maintenance rock star we had dealt with for two days suddenly became a sweetheart. She went around hugging each and every PA (even me, the perv who was supposedly staring at her cooter a couple hours earlier), thanking us for our hard work, and pleading with us not to tell our friends she was “a Faye Dunaway, diva bitch”.
We’d worked so long and so hard as a crew, the Production Manager actually gave us a bump ($25 extra dollars added to our daily rate) and let us go without clearing the set or returning the equipment –- a whole other crew of PA’s had been hired to do this for us because they knew we’d be too fatigued to do it well. The producers even gave as some beers which we drank in the parking lot (along with the half-finished bottles of liquor we took from Ms. Love’s trailer after she left) as we traded war stories from the shoot.
The more experienced PA’s talked about what 40 hours of drinking Diet Cokes and eating fast food can do to the human body, and how they were anticipating “spraying mud” upon getting home. I didn’t know what they were talking about… Until about 10 minutes after I got home. That’s when the damage I’d done to my digestive system finally hit, and I had to sprint to my bathroom. After a half-hour on the toilet, I knew quite well what “spraying mud” meant, and how horrific it truly was. But I’ll still take that half-hour over any I spent working with the lovely and talented Miss Courtney Love.** (Although, in the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I found the experience memorable enough to want a keepsake -- I scooped up the slippers Ms. Love wore during the shoot off the floor of her trailer and kept them for some time as a memento).
The fruit of all of our labors on the set, Hole’s video for “Celebrity Skin”:***
* Commercials were usually a better deal than music videos. Videos were typically 15-18 hour days (and crazy days at that) for $150, while commercials were typically around 10-15 hours for $175. I think this is due to the fact, advertising budgets are usually swelled with money (at least enough for the execs to enjoy lots of yummy catering, I noticed), while music companies had to watch their budgets due to the fact music videos are more of a vanity project and don’t actually make anybody any money.
** Not lovely.
*** As is par for the course on music video shoots, I had the song stuck in my head for about a week after then shoot (and veterans think Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is tough).
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