Friday, March 27, 2009

Cool Change


Watching the NCAA tourney, you've probably noticed the new broadcasting lineup CBS is running out. It's been quite a change after years of the same faces in the same place. Here's a quick rundown of the moves, along with my thoughts on them:

MOVE: Billy Packer is gone.

MY THOUGHTS: Awesome. Billy Packer was a surly old curmudgeon, who did nothing but whine and complain about everything. College basketball is fun, and the announcer should exemplify that (I mean, who's the most well-known, popular college basketball announcer there is? Dick Vitale -- the exact opposite of Packer). CBS didn't have to get Vitale, anybody would've been an improvement. Nobody liked Billy Packer. Nobody. Seriously, not one person. If you think you know somebody who liked him, you're wrong. If someone told you they liked him, they were lying. If you think you liked Billy Packer, you've lost touch with your own feelings, and you're probably bi-polar. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure, that's the diagnosis. GRADE: A+

MOVE: Clark Kellogg replaces Packer as top color analyst.

MY THOUGHTS: "Interesting" was my first thought. I know he's done color before, and I remembered him being good, he really fit well in the studio with Greg Gumbel and Seth Davis, and I wondered how he'd fit with lead play-by-play man, Jim Nantz. It turns out, he fits just great with Nantz, and seems equally good there as in studio (making him the Cris Collisworth of the NCAA's). Though he might not want to try quite so hard -- to me, it seems like he's been laughing awfully hard at Nantz's quips. Nantz is capable of humor, but he also throws out some wooden lines -- especially the clearly planned out ones he delivers at the buzzer of the National Championship game ("There's a new Dean in college basketball!") -- Kellogg would do well to only laugh at the funny ones. So far, he's practically cracking up at the starting lineups. I'd hate to see him encourage Nantz to break out his C-material (God help us all). Packer's one bright spot might have been that his dour demeanor kept Nantz from getting too giddy, and kiddy. But the important thing is, Kellogg has the kind of enthusiasm and positivity which best suits the NCAA game. GRADE: A-

MOVE: Greg Anthony replaces Kellogg as studio analyst.

MY THOUGHTS: This is the pleasant surprise in the bunch, and really, the key to the whole new formation. Anthony plays well off Gumbel and Davis, and is every bit as good as Kellogg, and maybe even better -- though that is probably more a function of it being a fresh face. But that aspect can't be overlooked. Change is good. It keeps things fresh. Especially when you can change the small things, while leaving the successful foundation intact. Not only Anthony's presence refreshing, but it also allows Kellogg to move to a new position while staying in the forefront of the picture. And when you realize Anthony is much younger than Kellogg, who is much younger than Packer, you realize that's another way to keep things from getting too musty. It is a young man's game after all. I'm glad CBS recognized that they needed a guy who probably listens to hip-hop more than a guy who looked and acted like somebody's creepy uncle. GRADE: A

The other faces and voices are the same -- Gus Johnson still has more enthusiasm and energy than any other announcer in the world, Dick Enberg still has the golden pipes, and Bill Raftery still has onions! These changes have only served to make a good thing better, and though this year's tourney has lacked a little of the drama we've come to expect, the announcing has been as good as ever.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Nothing To See Here

You might be expecting me to wax poetically about the exciting conclusion to the WBC, discuss the action in the first two rounds of the NCAA Tourney, or look ahead to the Sweet 16. You might think I'm going to break down some issue related to the Giants, or maybe write about something entertainment-related. But I'm not. Instead, I'm writing about why I'm not writing. I haven't done a post recently because I'm a) busy doing a re-write for an interested producer, b) looking for a job*, and c) just wrapping up a move (and still waiting for the phone company to hook up my line -- or even act like they give a shit that they fucked up the installation in the first place). Until then, I'm piggy-backing on a neighbor's wi-fi, and very strapped for time/inspiration, and this blog has to fall behind all those responsibilities on my priority list. Hopefully, that will change soon.

* And the crazy stories from this are piling up quicker than I can write them.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Barack's Baracket

President Obama made his picks for the NCAA tourney on ESPN.com. Looks like the Prez is a front-runner -- he picked three #1 seeds, and a #2 (Memphis, who many people claim got screwed out of a #1). Way to be a front-runner, Mr. President. For a liberal preaching change, those are some pretty staid, conservative picks. I hope your plan to fix the economy is more imaginative than your bracket.

Bunch O' Shite

Today, I enjoyed a rarity -- a meeting at a studio that went well and was promising, with notes given which made sense and were helpful. It had gotten to the point I was doubting whether those even existed anymore. It may not lead to anything, but it was nice just to be reminded of the possibilities. In celebration, I'm posting a buffet of treats. Links, photos, news, I got it all. And you want it. You know you want it. You want it so bad, you dirty little tramp, blog you.

--The WBC marches on, and so does the U.S. squad, who won in dramatic fashion in an elimination game. The semi-finals now include the U.S., Venezuela, and Korea, who beat Japan again to win their pool. Japan now plays Cuba in an elimination game to determine the final semi-finalist.

--Sasha Baron Cohen aired some footage of his upcoming movie based on his gay Austrian character, Bruno, at SXSW, and Cinematical has some really great spoilers.

--Screen Junkies has their list of the best 80's TV theme songs. That's why I love them.

--And finally, this is a Stormtrooper taking a dump:

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Sunday, March 15, 2009

This Year's Jason Ellison?


In my first spring training post, I said exhibition games meant that "some prospect/reclamation project will become the dazzling phenom who hits .460 and fools you into thinking they might contribute this year (see: Ellison, Jason)." Well, it's starting to look like this year's prospect/reclamation project is 31-year-old OF Andres Torres, a 10-year minor leaguer who's spent the vast majority of the last six straight years in AAA.

In fact, in that time Torres has had more AB's in AA (305) than the majors (257). His line in the majors --.210/.258/.276 -- doesn't bode well for his chances. Nether does his pedestrian minor league line of .272/.363/.396, or his age, though he has had decent lines in AAA the last couple of years. Still, on most teams, Torres just sniff a roster spot. But on this Giants team, anything's possible -- especially when you're hitting .433 with as many AB's as any plater on the team.

It's a nice story for now, and will be a really nice story if he makes the opening day roster. A nice story for him, that is. For the Giants, not so much. They already have OF spots held for Randy Winn, Fred Lewis, Aaron Rowand, and Nate Schierholtz. That's four, right there. Though the waiving of Dave Roberts would seem to open a spot for a 5th OF/pinch-runner type, that would likely go to Eugenio Velez. So, could they keep six OF's? Sure -- like I said, anything's possible with this roster. And Velez's ability to play 2B makes him more than a pure OF. John Bowker could be in the running for that six OF spot, but he's young, still has options left (unlike Schierholtz), and could probably use a full year at AAA to see what he can do. Torres has already had that year at AAA -- five times or so -- and the Giants might take that, and his spring, to heart. That's just the kind of short-sighted, bone-headed crap they do.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Russell Maryland & the Link Dump


Three links today, but first a quick story: I've been a Miami Hurricanes fan since I was a kid in the early 80's (Bernie Kosar Era), and saw a parade of talent trvel through there on their way to great careers. Despite all the high-flying offensive talents, big-play defensive backs, and dominant pass rushers, some of my favorite players growing up have been defensive tackles (Warren Sapp, Jerome Brown, Russell Maryland).

Recently, my writing partner, Barry, got me some freelance copywriting work for a PR company. It turned out to be writing bios of former NFL players who are participating in a football camp in Dallas. They have played for eight Super Bowl winners between them, so you may have heard of them: Reggie Barnes, Brian Williams, Ray Mickens, Tony Tolbert, and... Russell Maryland. So that's what I did last night for my job -- wrote a bio for one of my boyhood heroes. Not bad work if you can get it.

College Humor has some parodies of those DirecTV ads. careful, a couple of these are pretty tasteless. Just how I like 'em.

If you know me, you know I love lists. Today, I have two of note:

1) Bullz-Eye has a list of their biggest Oscar snubs (and they titled it after another Oscar snub you may be aware of).

2) Screen Junkies has a list (and clips) of the 9 best movie scenes involving vomiting. Sounds good, don't it?

UPDATE: One more diamond found in the internet rough which I had to post...

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Dutch Don't Die!

It's late, and I've got a job interview in the morning, so I'll make this quick: I may have tried to kill of the baseball team from the Netherlands after their loss to Puerto Rico yesterday, but they refused to go. Today, they repeated their shock-the-world upset of the Dominican Republic in one of the more exciting baseball games I've seen in a long time -- impressive, considering it was 0-0 game heading into the 11th inning. The D.R. team scored once in the top of the 11th, which seemed to clinch it (they hadn't allowed an earned run to the Dutch in 19 innings, and the Netherlands looked very feeble at the plate all game long). But the Dutch came back to score twice in the bottom of the inning (with quite a bit of help from some shoddy Dominican D).

Now the D.R. is out -- a national embarrassment for the popular favorite -- and Team Dutch goes against Puerto Rico (and the Giants' Jonathan Sanchez) for the pool title.

In the later game, Cuba narrowly avoided a shocking defeat to Australia, coming back to win 5-4 on a 2-run HR with 2-out in the 8th. Now, Cuba moves on, and Australia plays Mexico to see who moves on to round 2 and who goes home.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Still Drinking the WBC Kool-Aid


Turns out Cinderella's missing shoe really is a glass slipper, and not a wooden clog.

The baseball team from the Netherlands -- or, as I like to call them, The Dutch Boys of Summer -- almost pulled off another miracle on Monday, but their bid to beat Puerto Rico and advance to the next round of the WBC was dashed by a late rally by the home team.

The Dutch Boys led 1-0 in the 8th inning behind great pitching for them and bad baserunning by their opponent -- the same recipe that led them to an improbable upset of the Dominican Republic on Saturday. But in attempting to score their second straight shocker, they had played with fire all game, stranding Puerto Rican baserunners all over the place -- including escaping a bases-loaded, one-out jam in the 7th. In the 8th, they walked the bags full, and failed to escape. Yadier Molina doubled home the tying and go-ahead runs, and the home crowd in Hiram Bithorn Stadium went crazy, as P.R. went on to win, 3-1. So, the Dutch Boys are going home, and Puerto Rico will now meet the D.R. team for the top seed in Pool D, with the loser also advancing.

In a similar battle for top spot in Pool A, Korea eeked out a classic pitcher's duel over Japan. The Korean pitching silenced Ichiro and the home crowd in the Tokyo Dome, and scratched a run across the plate against the equally great Japanese pitching (including the amazing Yu Darvish). It was very compelling, taut baseball, though I dislike team Japan's uber-small ball approach -- down one run, they bunted a runner to 2nd in the 8th with one out. Many people hate the bunt in all instances, but I think it has its place. That being said, there is absolutely no place for a one-out bunt (pitchers excepted), and that goes double for when you're down to your last five outs. Not only that, the runner was Ichiro -- fully capable of stealing bag. Just terrible baseball right there.

I prefer Team Korea -- specifically the two gargantuan sluggers in the middle of their lineup (don't ask me their names, I'll just say, "Lee or Kim"). The first is about 250 pounds, and he's the small one. The other is about 270 (most in his gut) and led the Korean league with 46 HR's. 520 pounds between them -- that's a lot of dog. They look like Asian lumberjacks and swing for the fences. My kind of guys.

Korea's big bonus for their win over Japan? There region winner status means they won't have to open against juggernaut and likely region winner Cuba. Instead, they'll first take on either Mexico or Australia while the Japanese get Cuba. Just as exciting to watch in that round: Once Team Cuba comes to American soil to play, how many players will try to defect in the interests of multi-million dollar major league contracts freedom?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Spotted at Runyon Canyon...


I've written before about my almost daily treks up Runyon Canyon here in Hollywood, and how it's a hotbed for star sightings. It's so commonplace, it doesn't really excite anymore -- unless it's an exceptional celebrity, or they're doing/saying/wearing something amusing.

Yesterday, I had a bit of a thrill seeing Mickey Rourke driving by in a convertible with a pretty lady, his ponytail blowing in the breeze. Today, I wasn't too excited to see 'American Idol' Season 1 contestant Ryan Starr (twice), although I've always thought she was kind of cute (in spite of overly-glam outfits and a lackluster singing voice -- two attributes which directly led to her appearance in the Lingerie Bowl. But it was what she was doing/saying that caught my attention.

The first time I passed her, she was very carefully and purposefully pulling up her short so as to absolutely maximize the surface area of her exposed midriff (there's nothing more embarrassing than the fashion faux pas of having an only 80-90% bared midriff, believe me). The second time I saw her, she was very animatedly chatting to her friend, seemingly complaining about something. As I passed, I heard her spit out the words, "I woulda won that damn show if I just..." By then, she was out of earshot. I assume she was talking about 'Idol', but what didn't she do which kept her from winning? "If I had just..." what? "Sang well"? "Sang naked"? "Slept with Simon Cowell"? Slept with Paula Abdul"? The suspense is killing me!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Nether Regions FTW! (UPDATED)


I've been a big fan of the World Baseball Classic ever since they announced the idea. I've always been a fan of making lineups -- the best in the NL/AL, the best switch-hitters, best under-25 team, etc. -- so the idea of breaking down the best players in the world by nationality had me at hello. Then, in 2006, I was unemployed (what else is new?) at the time of the inaugural tournament, so I was able to lounge about, watching the games at all hours of the day.

That initial tournament was intriguing, and there were some great sights and sounds -- most notable for me was the scene in Florida when the Dominican Republic and Venezuela opened their against each other, and the performance of Daisuke Matsuzaka for eventual winner Japan -- but there was something a little lacking. namely, classic games. There were a couple of close games -- Mexico's 2-1 win over the U.S. to eliminate the American team, and a japan/Korea game come to mind -- but the tourney was sadly lacking in drama. I still enjoyed the experience and looked forward to this year's installment, but I wasn't sure the WBC quite lived up to its name. It delivered the World, and it delivered Baseball, but it wasn't quite Classic.

That may have changed on Saturday, when the string of four games -- including two nail-biters and one major upset -- felt like another tradition from this time of year: March Madness. The day started out with a Cinderella story -- the team from the Netherlands taking down the vaunted Dominican Republic squad. The Netherlands only have one real major league pitcher, and even that's Sidney Ponson, not exactly a world-beater (as Giants fans know all too well), and even less quality help on offense. So there was no way to think they could hold down the D.R. team -- even one without A-Roid, Manny, Pujols, Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, and Adrian Beltre. They still had David Ortiz, Hanley Ramirez, Miguel Tejada, Robinson Cano, Willy Aybar, Jose Guillen, etc, and even manager Felipe Alou lamented, That was a team we should have trounced 9-0". More amazing is that the Netherlands managed to win 3-2 despite only getting three hits, all of the infield variety.

The upset can only be truly understood when looking at the number and quality of major league talent on the two rosters. here's a quick look:

MLB players -- D.R.: 23, Netherlands: 2
2008 All-Stars -- D.R.: 4, Netherlands: 0
Career wins -- D.R.: 518, Netherlands: 95
Career HR -- D.R.: 1,801, Netherlands: 82
2008 salaries -- D.R.: $83.4M, Netherlands: $0M

As Rick Sutcliffe said, "That's like Appalachian State beating Michigan". I rarely listen to Sutcliffe when he's not completely hammered, but when he's right, he's right.

The second game of the day was the best matchup on paper -- the U.S. vs. Canada. The Canadians gave the Americans a great game, taking it right down to the wire before losing 6-5. There were some especially impressive performances from several Canadians: Russell Martin and Joey Votto each had a double and a HR -- Votto getting four hits -- and reliever Phillipe Aumont was truly filthy in getting out of a bases-loaded, no-outs situation. But in the end, the Americans prevailed behind HR's from Kevin Youkilis, Brian McCann, and a opposite field bomb from Adam Dunn, which provided the eventual-winning runs. The game ended dramatically as U.S. closer J.J. Putz retired Canada's 4 and 5 hitters, Justin Mourneau and Jason Bay, with Votto on second base representing the tying run. With the home fans on their feet cheering for their guys to come through, and the players on the bench really into each pitch, if you squinted just right, it kind of looked like October.

There were two more games after that -- Panama vs. Puerto Rico and Italy vs. Venezuela -- but neither offered the kind of thrills the first two games did. (Though it was a lot of fun to say the names of Italy's starting lineup over and over just to hear them -- Davide Dallospedale, Valentino Pascucci, Guisseupe Mazzanti, Mario Chiarini.) Still, it had that same electricity, unpredictability, and rah-rah enthusiasm that's made the NCAA tournament must-se entertainment for sports fans for years.

But to become a tradition, the WBC has to have drama, and signature moments -- much like it did on Saturday. To foster fans, all it takes are great stories and highlights. Before long, there's enough history that what was once a revolution is now part of the establishment. That's how it works. There once was a time, not that long ago, that the wild card in baseball felt new and illegitimate. But after a few years, and some great moments, it's now as second nature as the World Series. And unlike some other newfangled traditions, like interleague play, I don't think this will get old. Sure, some star players may participate once, then beg off. But I think many more could feel like they're missing out on the fun (I bet a few U.S. stars saw the highlights from the Canada game and felt like it might've been fun to be a part of that -- can spring training be that much better?)

I also think new rivalries will be born, existing ones will be enflamed, and soon, more and more baseball fans (and hopefully players) will look forward to the WBC, and take pride in how their country performs. Especially now that baseball is no longer in the Olympics, this seems to be the only real way to represent your country on the field.

UPDATE: I'm watching the Dominican Republic/Panama game on Sunday and was reminded of something I forgot to mention last night (yet more evidence writing in the wee hours is a sketchy proposition): Willy Tavares was a major goat for the Dominican squad in their opener. In the 5th, he failed to score from 3rd (and tie the game at 3) on a passed ball, when it was clear he was unprepared -- heading back to the bag -- as the pitch got away. In the 7th, he led off and tried to bunt for a hit, but failed. With his team still down one run in the 9th, Tavares opened with a walk, and advanced to 2nd on an out. Then, inexplicably, he was thrown out trying to steal 3rd base with Hanley Ramirez at the plate. This gift out allowed the Netherlanders Netherlandians Netherlandites Dutch to pitch around Hanley and go after Jose Bautista, who struck out looking to end it while Hanley was stealing 2nd. Dominican manager Felipe Alou confirmed today, Tavares was not given a steal sign, and took the (bad) risk on his own.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Random Video: Now With Even More Random!

This is a crazy commercial short film I don't know what, which advertises Gatorade in the form of a parody of 'Monty Python and The Holy Grail', starring Kevin Garnett, Derek Jeter, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and others. If that doesn't already sound like the most random thing ever, keep in mind it's like nine minutes long. I really don't know what to make of it. Is it terrible or fantastic? Inspired or desperate? Maybe a little of all of the above. I just don't know. Judge for yourself:

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Big Ugly


This year's Giants team intrigues me. They should be mediocre at best, and bad if a few things (namely, age and injury) don't go their way. Their offense is well below average, not boasting one legitimate middle-of-the-order hitter. Their defense is nothing special, with a few real question marks. Their bullpen is still largely unproven.* But their rotation, on the other hand, looks to be a strength, and could be a tremendous strength.

Everybody knows about reigning Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum. Matt Cain has been one of the most underrated starters in baseball over the last few years (mainly because of the bad record he's compiled due to fact the team scores an average of -1.6 runs a game in his starts). Jonathan Sanchez seems to be an up-and-comer, and was one of the top strikeout pitchers in baseball among starters last season. Barry Zito is probably a lost cause. That leaves Randy Johnson, and on his left may hang much of the potential and intrigue for this Giants team.

When the Giants signed Johnson this year, it seemed like a good deal -- he still strikes out a lot of guys, had decent overall numbers last year (3.91 ERA, 1.24 WHIP), and stayed relatively healthy (184 IP). But the deal has gotten better and better ever since. First it came out that Johnson's back wasn't completely healed from surgery last season, and is much better now. Then he showed up in camp and reportedly started teaching Matt Cain all sorts of tips on pitching. Now, he's started actually pitching in games, and the results are dominating. Today, pitching against his old club, the D-Bags, The Unit dominated, putting up this line: 3 IP, 2 H, 1 BB, 0 ER, 7 K.

If he can stay healthy and put up numbers as good as or better than last year (playing half his games in a much better pitcher's park), he could give the Giants a powerful, potentially dominating top three starters with Lincecum and Cain. If Sanchez can continue to harness his potential, they could have four starters who strike out as many as any in the game (all in the top 22 of the NL last year in K/9). Reports out of Arizona even have Zito throwing harder this year and looking much more athletic after his rigorous off-season training program ("He's in the best shape of his life!!!"). If he could stay even around league average, and the others thrive, they could potentially have one of the best rotations in baseball. In their park, that could keep them in contention for a bad NL West even with a weak offense.

Of course, the more likely scenario is Johnson is effective, but misses time due to injury. Sanchez probably puts up some great outings, but also suffers through some growing pains. Cain could easily continue to suffer from poor run support. Lincecum could... No, I refuse to admit that Lincecum is anything less than super-human. The team very well suck, they may go weeks between home runs, but we will always be able to rely on little Timmy for entertainment. Speaking of which, here's Tim (and Randy Johnson) in the entertaining new ad for the video game MLB 2K9 (for which, Lincecum is the cover boy):



* The 'pen suffered a potentially major blow today when it was announced that Sergio Romo is hurt. Romo was fan-freakin'-tastic as a rookie last year (3-1, 2.12 ERA, 34 IP, 16 H, 33 K, 8 BB), and the team was/is counting on him to play a big role this year, so all us Romosexuals need to keep our fingers crossed.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Memoirs of an Unemployed Man, Part 1: The Legend of Gainful Employment


Being unemployed is old hat for me. I've been lucky enough to find a way to stay "successfully unemployed" for long stretches in my life. When I was a kid, my mom didn't really make me work, and she was generous when I graduated college, and drifted from job to job aimlessly, with sizable gaps in between. When I first came out to LA, I did a lot of short-time work which paid nice chunks -- focus groups, PA work, helping people move, etc. And though I haven't had a ton of success in screenwriting, it has allowed me two long stretches of leisure in recent years.

But what I am not used to is being involuntarily unemployed, as I am now. I've been looking for a job, but unable to land one, which has never been a problem before. Of course, I'm not alone. There are lots of folks out there who are job-searching right now -- many much more desperately than myself. I'm lucky enough to have had some money still squirreled away from the script sale, and my wife just got a promotion/raise/office, so I'm not going to begging you for spare change outside the 7-11 anytime soon. But in these troubled economic times, I can't wait until the very last moment to get a job, so I'm out pounding the pavement internet looking for work.

This has led me to find out a few, very alarming things, chiefly that a huge portion of the ad listings fall into two categories: spammers and scammers. The spammers are just trying to get you to go to their site, fill out their survey, or join their site. The scammers are a whole different breed of scum. They run all manner of fake listings in an attempt to squeeze a few dollars out of you before you realize there is no money coming back. Many offer you a great income from the comfort of your home, or in your spare time -- always a red flag. Some ask for a small upfront fee, others offer pyramid schemes dressed up as corporations. One actually sends you checks which you can cash before you have to send out a percentage of it from your account -- only later do you find out the check bounced and you're out the money.*

After you steer through all that crap, you find the few actual jobs out there to find the pickings pretty slim. Many aren't worth applying for, and the best ones are flooded with so many it's hard to get through. But recently I did have a couple of interviews, which led to one short-lived, but very eventful job. It was a bad match, but a good story: The Ballad of Crazy Flower Lady. I've been wanting to write about it, and urged to by others, but I'm afraid it might end up being a novel. Only one way to find out, so I might as well give it a shot. Look for it in Part 2, coming tomorrow soon whenever I damn well please.

* I think in this way, one could argue, the internet has made the job market a worse place. Yes, there are advantages -- speed being chief among them -- but what was so wrong about searching the want ads in the paper? At least they were real. Mostly. I did run into a couple of pyramid schemes in my day, but nothing like there is now.