When I started this blog, my chief hope was just that I might find a place where people would read my writing. You can't imagine how frustrating it can be being a writer in Hollywood -- pouring your heart into something, and then having to twist arms just to get somebody to read it. In my experience, writers write for two reasons: 1) For the experience/catharsis -- that is to get the voices in our heads down onto paper (or screen) and have them realized, and/or 2) To have that work read by others -- we all hope to affect the world in some way, be it on a global scale, or just by making one person laugh/cry/scream/whatever.
Since I started posting here, I've often doubted that anyone was really reading. Sure, I had told a few friends, and maybe they told a few friends, and maybe even a couple people stumbled across this space while looking for something else, but I felt a bit like a castaway, writing messages in bottles, hoping someone might find one. I've gotten a couple of comments from strangers complementing my reviews, but for the most part they didn't quell those fears. That's why -- or at least one of the reasons -- it was such a thrill today to receive an e-mail from someone who had found one of those messages, someone whom I happen to admire very much.
Last night, I posted my latest TV review -- of one of my favorite shows on the air, 'Sons of Anarchy'. To be honest, it was late at night, I was getting tired, and I don't even think it was particularly well-written -- I left out some important points I'd meant to include. But in the review, I wrote about the show's creator, Kurt Sutter, and how he came from one of my all-time favorite shows, 'The Shield'.* This morning I woke up and checked my e-mail to find a message from Mr. Sutter complementing the blog. At first I was sure it was a prank -- my writing partner Barry works in publicity for FOX, and actually deals with Sutter and others from the show as part of his routine (besides being a big fan of it), so I immediately assumed he had figured out some way to fake the e-mail.
But, upon further review, I found the e-mail led back to a blog right here on Blogger run by Sutter, himself. "SutterInk" is the name of the blog (the link is now in my blog roll on the right side of the screen), and you should really check it out -- and not just because I love both Sutter's work and his politics, though that's undoubtedly a big reason why. It was certainly a thrill to hear personally from someone I idolize, but it also presented a common dilemma in this town.
See, I'm a struggling screenwriter, and that's not uncommon in LA. In fact, we're a dime a dozen. But none of us feel like we're a dime a dozen -- we all feel uniquely special (whether we are or not is someone else's call). So whenever we meet someone in a position to help our careers, there's both the temptation to ask, and also the knowledge that doing so makes us not only a pest, but even worse -- a cliched pest. That's when pride often steps up to block our way. In a desire to not be That Guy, we don't say what's on our mind. We don't ask for what we want. And in my experience, if you're too afraid to ask for what you want, you'd better be resigned to going without it.
I am certainly not resigned to going without a career in screenwriting, but I've often found myself too prideful, or too embarrassed, to ask for someone's assistance in my career -- even when I've known they have the power to grant it. This happened recently to Barry, who had to opportunity through his work to hang out with Shawn Ryan, the creator of 'The Shield' (as well as 'The Unit') for three hours the other day. They talked about writing and the business and all sorts of things, but because Barry was there for his job, he felt too awkward to mention the fact he's a screenwriter who's been screwed over a few times (I know because I was bent-over right next to him at the time) and could use a helping hand.
I totally get why Barry didn't mention his situation to Ryan -- it might have been unprofessional in his position -- but I swore that I wouldn't pass up the same type of opportunity. I'm not going to let my pride stand in my way -- at least not anymore. I can't afford to. My screenwriting career is on shaky ground at this moment -- due to the economy, my representation situation, and the fact I'm having to move to Boulder, CO because the only solid job opportunity I currently have resides there -- and I need to do whatever it takes to breath life back into it. So, I did the unthinkable (at least for me): I swallowed my pride and replied to Mr. Sutter, asking if he had any advice for a poor, struggling screenwriter like myself.
Part of what inspired me to do this was reading his blog, which mentioned a time before 'The Shield' when he was a struggling screenwriter himself, and how Shawn Ryan helped and mentored him. But mostly, it was an admission that I need to change -- I need to realize that truly dedicated people do anything they can to achieve their goal, and that it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help (at least, not an unforgivable one).
I know Sutter probably won't have any great news for me -- I'm sure he gets these types of requests all the time. Although I'm willing to take any job on the ground floor of TV or movies right now -- writer's assistant, PA, fluffer, you name it -- the economy sucks, and I'm sure there's a long line of people ahead of me in the same predicament, if not worse. But the important thing to me is that I tried -- I don't want to leave LA knowing I left any stones unturned. To me, that's a notable success. As is the discovery that someone out there is actually reading this blog -- someone whose work I've been religiously following for years. I'm through the looking glass, and I love it!
UPDATE: So I heard back from Mr. Sutter, who very graciously shared a poignant anecdote and some quality advice. I'm tempted to copy and paste the whole e-mail here, but somehow I feel it would lose its coolness (and make no mistake, this whole thing has been very cool) if I did. So I'll summarize: Don't make excuses, don't blame other people, don't worry about if you'll sell anything -- just write. Write what you want, write a good story, and the rest will follow.
That's great advice, and as I've written in this space before, it's advice I'm already taking. Barry and I have been writing our dream project for a little over a month -- a project we've put off for years in favor of more "commercial" projects -- and I've often thought during that time that it's a opportunity we would never have had if not for our fucked-up representation situation. So I'm taking it as a blessing that we can write what we want, that I know we're writing a good story, and we don't have to listen to anyone else's input. That's an opportunity I cherish, and whether it ever sells or gets made is beside the point.
I have to add: Today gave me a mental boost -- just hearing from someone I admire, whose work I enjoy, and having him take the time to offer me some helpful words. And it was all thanks to the internet, and this silly little blog! Thanks, Al Gore!
* Just to give a quick head's up, I hope to post my review of 'The Shield's' final season sometime this week.
